


Angel among us

by AngelynMoon



Series: Angel [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Actual Angel Alec, M/M, Technically Immortal Alec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2019-04-29 04:34:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14465127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelynMoon/pseuds/AngelynMoon
Summary: Summary: Actual Angel Alec who was born to the Lightwoods to get them back on the right path as well as the Clave. He's sad at how the Lightwoods have always treated him and his siblings who he has become quite attached to even though that is something that he is not meant to do.





	1. Chapter 1

Summary: Actual Angel Alec who was born to the Lightwoods to get them back on the right path as well as the Clave. He's sad at how the Lightwoods have always treated him and his siblings who he has become quite attached to even though that is something that he is not meant to do.

He still loves Magnus even though he isn't supposed to feel that type of love towards a 'lesser being'.

Alec doesn't actually think of them as Lesser, it's just how he's always heard non-celestials being referred as.

\----------

Alec had always known that he wasn't right, that he was different from his family and the rest of his people. He had not understood when he was younger that Nephilim could not heal small cuts and bruises with a touch or a small kiss as he had always done for his sister, who would always come to him asking him to kiss it better.

As he had grown he had learned that this was not something his parents could do, that only Warlocks, demon children could heal with a touch and, usually, a whispered word.

When he was eight he learned why he could. 

It was supposed to be just routine patrol, that was what his father had said, it was why his mother had allowed him to go, and Alec had been so excited.

And then the Demons had arrived, Alec had been frightened but had fought with his father and his partner and then he'd been hurt and had stumbled and his father's partner had died screaming and Alec had been caught under another Demon and struggling to reach his blade to kill the Demon.

Alec remembered his father gathering him into his arms, body numb and his vision blurring as his father ran through the streets of New York and as his vision faded further his father faded away until there was only light in a human like shape.

Alec remembered that light, the first time he saw that light. A person's inner light, their soul.

His father's had been a dark orange, he later looked it up and his father's inner light was burnt orange.

Alec remembered being scared as his vision faded into darkness, his father screaming for a medic as he burst through the doors of the Institute.

He had been in and out for three days and during those days he saw nothing but lights in the shape of people and heard only loud booming voices that echoed with the sounds of thunder and rockslides.

They whispered in their screaming voices that he'd been chosen, that he'd chosen to come here, chosen to save them when they would rather begin anew and Alec had seen hope for them where none other had looked and begged to be sent among them to guide them back to the path they had strayed from so long ago.

In a moment of weakness Raziel had agreed and had sent him to Earth to be born to a Nephilim couple who had lost their way in a large way and Alec had been born with nary a tear in his eye or a scream bursting forth from his throat.

Alec remembered those quiet, booming voices for days after he had woken for real and he remembered that they had called him by another name, not his own.

When he had finally gathered the courage to look up the name he had been surprised that it was real and somehow the Angel fit with what the voices had said he'd done.

They had called him Phanuel and as Alec had stared at the name, tracing over the stylized letters carefully he knew why he was so different than the rest of his people, why when he had looked in his mirror the inner light that had looked back at him was pure white and bright, brighter than any other he had ever seen but for a newborn baby he had glanced at.

It had taken him weeks to control when he saw a person's inner light, to let it fade into the background until he saw their human features rather than their souls.

Sometimes he noticed that the lights dimmed due to their owner's moods or darkened with their deeds, some even brightened after they did something good.

Alec particularly loved looking at his sister's inner light, a beautiful and bright yellow that reminded him of sunshine and if he had called her that for those two weeks it had taken to control seeing Souls then Alec had brushed it off as nearly dying.

His mother's inner light made Alec sad to see it, once it might have been a bright happy green but now it was dark and sickly and the first time he had seen it Alec had burst into tears and hadn't calmed until hours after he had fallen asleep held in his mother's arms.

Jace's light when he had arrived was a muted and dull red glow that flickered in and out and it had taken Alec several months to figure out why that was and Alec would never forget the way his breath had caught in his throat as he watched Jace slide the Seraph blade across his thigh until blood weld up and spilled from his skin before he had torn the blade from Jace's grip and begged him to let him help him and promised to protect him.

Jace had cried and begged Alec not to tell. Alec had agreed as long as Jace never did it again, promised Alec that when he wanted to he'd come find Alec instead.

Max, when Alec had first held that tiny little child had glowed a bright white, the pure white that all babies had and as the little boy grew older Alec couldn't help but wonder why he never got a color.

\--------------

Alec had known that Downworlders had inner lights as well as everyone else but he had never bothered to actively look, it was not something that would advance anything, advance his mission, so it came as a surprise when he looked over at the Warlock he had aided and saw nothing but blue with bright golden sparks dancing through it.

Alec was so entranced with following one of the golden sparks as it danced it's way through the bright, engulfing blue that he hardly heard the question he was asked stuttering his name before finding an excuse to run away from the blue soul, trying to make it fade into the background so he could see the human forn of the Warlock that had taken Clary's memories.

Every time he flirted with Alec the blue pulsed out and the sparks multiplied and Alec kept finding himself distracted and tongue-tied, but by the time they left without Clary's memories he'd made the glow fade enough so that he could see the form the light surrounded and hide from him before.

Alec wondered if he'd been this way when he was still an Angel of Heaven or if this want that filled him as he gazed at the Warlock was a flaw in his human form, either way they could never be, Angels did not love Demons, and Nephilim did not love Warlocks, but as Alec walked away from Magnus Bane that night for the first time after meeting him Alec felt his own Inner light streatch and reach back behind him and when he dared look back, only once he saw Magnus' blue and gold reaching for his own pure white.

\----


	2. Chapter 2

Summary:

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Alec rubbed his temples as he watched Clary and Jace spar, normally seeing Jace's red inner light glowing brightly and dance around him happily was a joy for Alec but today it was giving Alec a headache as he watched it twist and twine with Clary's soft pink.

Something that Alec had noticed was how certain people shared colors, oh, they were, more often than not, different shades but the base colors were the same.

He'd done some research, had found out that those with the same base colors got along quite well, like Jace and Clary, and those that had differnt soul colors tended to fight all the time like his mother and father.

There had been one couple when he was still new to seeing inner lights that he had thought was a single inner light, the two colors nearly the same soft teal, he'd learned that they had been married for eighteen years and had two children, he'd watched their lights caress each other softly and a thin little string stretched between them when they were not in the same room and Alec had loved looking at them wishing that his own parents had a love like theirs.

Alec could see his father's inner light stretch, not towards his mother's green but away from her towards Idris, and each day Alec watched the burnt orange get darker and darker until Alec saw more black than orange.

Alec had never seen a completly black inner light, there was alway some measure of color, Alec never wanted to see a black Inner light.

The first time he encountered Valentine he'd felt his breath catch, it was his first black soul and he felt the pain within Valentine echo into the world and wondered how no one else could hear it.

Alec sighed and set his paperwork down and leaned back against the wall he sat against, he was hiding from his fiance, he knew she'd find him soon that her sad silvery blue rippled light would find him soon, it kept reaching for him, not like Magnus' did, trying to dance with his white, but like a child trying to convince a parent to sooth them and Alec realized that she was wanting comfort and understanding not love, she had had that, had lost that, her soul wanted his to help her heal and that's why she reached for him, like Jace had when he was so much younger.

Alec had nearly cried when he had told Magnus he was marrying Lydia, the way his blue and gold had just wilted and dimmed so much that Alec had almost lost it and he'd had a clear view for the devistation that had crawled across Magnus' face before he had masked it but his inner light hadn't come back and Alec had managed to make it back to his room before he was sick.

He wondered what a person became if their Inner light disappeared and hoped he never found out.

"Hey, Alec, you okay?" Jace asked as he and Clary sat next to him.

"Huh?"

"You've been staring at us for a while." Clary said.

"I was just thinking."

"About Lydia?" Jace grinned and nudged Alec.

Honestly, Alec sometimes wondered just how Jace could be so dense and from the way Clary buried her face in her hands she wondered too.

"Yeah." Alec only half lied with a shrug, "I better go, she's probably looking for me."

"See you later." Jace grinned waving.

Alec half waved back before he rounded the corner.

Alec found Lydia easily and talked with her about more wedding details when she asked his opinion and Alec wondered how he could doom her to a marriage where he would never be able to love her as she deserved and for a moment he wished that the Inner light next to him was blue and gold before he forced those thoughts away.

\----------------


	3. Chapter 3

Summary:

\--------

Sometimes Alec woke up screaming, he'd learned when he was younger to always put up a silencing Rune. It had taken his ages to realize that the screams that came from his throat weren't actually his.

They came from a different Angel, an Angel bound in chains that whispered to Alec to stay away. Some nights Alec could force himself to stay asleep and would sit with Ithuriel as the other Angel's tattered and greying soul buried itself in his pure one and tried to heal itself. Angels, for all that the Nephilim believed, were not solitary creatures, soem would pair and reamin a pair until one was smote but many chose to be in groups, when Alec had been Phanuel he had been in a pair, before his other had parished but that had been long ago, centuries or longer, back when Angels still walked the mortal realm in all their glory. Unlike most Angels who lost their Pair or group, Alec had never sought a new one, he'd remained alone until he had chosen to be cast to earth.

Sometimes Ithuriel would tell Alec about who he used to be br=efore he'd been foolish enough to be caught by the Black Soul, much of what Alec had learned about himself and the Angelic Powers he had Alec had learned from Ithuriel but sitting with Ithuriel, even if it was only in dreams Alec would sometimes rememeber pieces from when he was not bound to a mortal form, when he could heal with but a thought and banish a Demon with a glance.

The thing about his memories from being an Angel of Heaven was that they were always incomplete things, short and unfinished.

When Alec had questioned Ithuriel about it the other Angel had smiled sadly before saying, 'We are immortal, cosmic beings, we do not age, we do not die and the plights of mortals mean little if anything to many of us, what a lesser being would value and cherish we do not, it is insignificant to us. Many of us chose to remember nothing of Mortals, other remember small things, paintings and sunsets, one of my Pairs remembers every form of flowers that has ever existed. That you remember anything from before is something that never shoould have happened, it has never happened before when an Angel has chosen to be born Mortal.'

'Does that mean I'm wrong?' Alec had asked.

'Not wrong, perhaps, but more than you should have been, but maybe that has to do with the task you chose to undertake.'

Alec had nodded and woken up to Izzy knocking on his door.

\---------------------------


	4. Chapter 4

Summary:

\----------

Kissing Magnus at his wedding was like coming home, it was joy and hope and love and Alec wondered how he could have ever thought he could live without Magnus.

When his lips first touched Magnus' Alec felt like he'd lost his way for only a moment before Magnus' gentle hand on his elbow brought him back to where he was meant to be. 

The small, hopeful pulse of Magnus' blue and gold light had drawn Alec's eyes to the doorway Lydia had entered through and his own Inner light had thrown itself towards Magnus as Alec had gasped out that he couldn't breath and then Alec was striding purposefully to Magnus and pulling him against him and kissing him like Alec needed his kiss to breath.

And then Alec was lost because Magnus' blue and gold light filled him and twisted with his own and Alec had to close his eyes from how bright it was and Alec lost sight of Magnus' human shape as the glow drowned it from view and Alec felt something he hadn't known was missing snap sharply into place and as Alec drew back for a breath before diving back in he realized just how right it felt to have Magnus here next to him, Magnus' blue light smeered with Alec's own white as Magnus' golden sparks became tiny fireworks as they shot around and through their lights.

And Alec had a hard time letting the lights fade away and let Magnus guide him with a hand on his elbow because all Alec could see were lights.

Izzy's yellow bright and so sunshiny that Alec wanted to call her sunshine again and Simon's yellow tinged with something that reminded Alec of burnt edges that Alec had come to realize meant Vampires becasue every Vampire Alec had met had had those burn like edges around their Inner light.

Werewolves had something similar but like torn edges, ragged and uneven. Seelies were worse, they were all tinted in shadows and Alec didn't trust it.

Warlocks Alec had come to realized had a base Soul color and another color that sparked through it, Alec thought the effect was lovely but was rather partial to Magnus'.

Jace's light was both worried and excited but glowed a deep beautiful red that Alec adored and parts of him would always love, the parts of him that was soul bonded to Jace, some of Alec's white Inner light shot throught Jace's red like a lightning strike as Jace's red wrapped around where Alec's hip was.

Even Clary's bubbly pink was happy for him.

But his parents, his mother's sickly green seemed to have dimmed further and his father blackened so much that Alec had to search hard for the smatter of bright orange that Alec knew belonged to the mistress his father kept.

And for a long moment Alec let their colors sadden him until Magnus' blue tugged gently and Alec let it comfort him in a way that nothing else had ever comforted him.


	5. Chapter 5

Summary:

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Watching Magnus walk away from him nearly broke Alec, and he could feel the rips where the blue color tore itself from his white, it was all Alec could do not to fall to the ground and sob as his entire being reached after Magnus who drew further away.

Alec stood there for almost an hour, reaching out after Magnus and the cracks in Alec's white inner light widened until there weer giant gaps throughout his light.

Alec was still terrified as they walked towards Lake Lyn where Valentine had succeeded in summoning Raziel and Magnus refused to be safe.

They arrived as Valentine approached the Angel and Valentine's followers overwhelmed them and brought them to their knees and Jace looked sad and terrified as they were pushed down beside him and Clary.

But Alec could only stare at the white that floated before Valentine, only... he could see beyond the light at a form that was not humanoid, it was terrifying and soothing, large but small and Alec had forgotten that he had once held a form much like that; no book, no words could ever describe what the true form of an Angel was and as an Angel Alec had had no need to look at himself.

Raziel looked from Valentine as he began his speech and his gaze fell upon Alec.

"IT IS NOT THE WISH OF THE ANGELS TO DESTROY THOSE WITH DEMON BLOOD." Raziel intoned.

Valentine looked shocked as Raziel dropped lower towards the Lake's surface and began walking towards the shore, passing so close to Valentine that the sleeve of his jacket burned where the Angel's Light dragged against it.

The Angel stared down at Alec as he stopped before him and Alec stared up at him and Alec always wondered if his eyes looked different when he saw Souls.

"DO YOU STILL WISH TO SAVE THEM?" Raziel asked, the question echoing in the stillness of the night, "DO YOU STILL THINK THERE ARE ANY WORTH SAVING?"

Alec stared up at the Angel that had once asked him to Pair with him and though Alec had refused the bond Raziel had always willing offered Alec comfort and grooming for his wings.

"THERE IS NO HOPE FOR THEM, PERHAPS THERE NEVER WAS." Raziel offered, almost softly, like a caress just a touch desparate.

Alec shook his head at the Angel, "There is always hope, Raziel, who would I be if I did not believe that, believe that there is a chance for redemption and repentence and better tomorrows?"

The Angel stared down at Alec, before kneeling down to touch his hand to the side of Alec's face, Alec almost imagined the touch burning but it didn't, it soothed and Alec could feel Raziel's Inner light trying to fill the gaps in his own as a thumb stroked his temple while Raziel looked into Alec's eyes.

"THEY LOOK LIKE STARS WHEN YOU SEE WHAT LIES WITHIN." Raziel offered.

"I came for them, they will always be worth saving, I will always wish to save them." Alec reminded Raziel.

The thumb continued its motion before stilling, "YOU HOPE TOO MUCH, MY FRIEND."

"There can never bee too much hope." Alec said.

Raziel drew away, standing and staring dow at Alec's kneeling form, "CAN THERE NOT?"

And Alec didn't flinch or scream as Raziel's blade pierced through his mortal shell and his light shuddered and it felt like a window was breaking as it shattered and Alec heard several voices screaming his name but only a single one was clear as Alec pitched forwards and twisted to land on his side, his eyes finding Magnus' terrified and heartbroken eyes as the Warlock fought against a Circle member's grip.

Valentine stared in shock as he watched the Angel Raziel speak with The Lightwood boy, the Angel hardly aknowledging anyone else and he was not the only one to be shocked when the Angel swiped his blade through the boy he had just spoken so familiarly with.

The boy did not appear surprised and stared at the Warlock and Valentine had almost forgotten the Lightwood's betrayal to their people.

"Magnus." The boy whispered and somehow his hands were free as he reached out to the Warlock and the Warlock kept screaming the boy's name as he fought towards the boy.

And then the boy stilled and breathed no more, hand still stretched out, reaching for the Demon spawn.


	6. Chapter 6

Summary:

\-----------

"ALEXANDER!" Magnus screamed as he watched Alec's chest still, hand stretched towards him just beyond his reach and Magnus felt something in his soul fall and then shatter, it almost felt like dying.

Magnus could hear Jace and Isabelle shouting Alec's name, could hear Clary cursing the Angel and demanding to know why he'd killed Alec and Magnus didn't care as he finally managed to tear himself away from the Circle member that had been holding him away from Alec.

His hands suddenly free as Magnus crawled to Alec's side, his fingers tracing the side of the man's face as Magnus laid himself next to Alec and place his hand in the one that Alec had stretched out to him.

Magnus hardly noticed the Angel step up behind him and stop, refused to look at the being that had taken Alec from him, or had that been Magnus who had done that, made Alec go away when he had said that he couldn't have both, had walked away from Alec, had not chosen Alec when the man had chosen him that day when he had decided not to marry Lydia, had decided that he had to kiss Magnus instead and now... now Alec was gone and Magnus... Magnus wanted to join him where ever the man had gone.

"DO YOU LOVE HIM, WARLOCK?" The Angel asked in that soft echoing boom he had.

"Does it matter?" Magnus asked as his thumb began rubbing circles against Alec's limp hand.

Yes, Magnus loved Alec, loved him so much and it had broken his heart to see Alec's devistation when Magnus had left him standing in the Institute's hall, Magnus sometimes wondered how long Alec had waited for him to return before returning to work and his family, Magnus fooled himself into thinking Alec had stood there for more than a moment.

"NO." The Angel answered, the answer did not surprise Magnus.

Something burst over the lake and the noise that shattered the silence of the night reminded Magnus of fireworks and Magnus had wanted to take Alec to see the fireworks that the Chinese set off for their new year celebrations.

\----------------

Alec felt a little surprised when his Soul merged from all the tiny pieces it had broken into returning to a single form once more, tearing through the silence with an echoing boom.

Alec's gaze fell to Raziel first as the Angel turned to look at him and then Alec looked at Magnus, Magnus who was just laying next to his mortal shell and Alec felt anger fill him as he had never allowed it to fill him.

The pure white of his soul light changed and a deep burning red, almost like fire spread through the white as he marched towards Raziel, he ignored Valentine and the rest, he'd deal with them later.

"WHY?!" Alec shouted as he slammed the other Angel against a tree, the wood burning where the Angel touched.

"YOU COULD NEVER HAVE STAYED ANYWAY." Raziel said.

"THAT WAS NOT YOUR CHOICE TO MAKE, I CHOSE LONG AGO TO COME TO THEM TO GUIDE THEM BACK, I CHOSE TO SAVE THEM." Alec screamed and threw Raziel towards the lake where the Angel splashed against the water, steam riseing from around him.

"THERE IS NO SAVING THE NEPHILIM, THEY ARE CORRUPT AND EVIL, IT WAS MY MISTAKE THINKING HUMANS COULD UNDERSTAND DIVINE CALLING." Raziel snarled as he stood.

"JUST LIKE THERE WAS NO SAVING YOU?" Alec asked softly.

"THIS IS NOT EDOM, PHANUEL." Raziel snapped.

"NO, IT IS NOT, AND SOMETHING THERE CHANGED YOU." Alec said, "YOU WERE DIFFERENT BEFORE."

"I'LL TRY AGAIN, START OVER, YOU CAN HELP ME." Raziel offered his hand to Alec and Alec stared at it.

Alec let his gaze rise from the hand to Raziel's face, he stepped forward, not taking the hand and let his light fade from the passionate red back to his pure white, and Alec wrapped his glow around Raziel in the aproximation of a hug.

"I WILL HELP YOU, RAZIEL, MY FRIEND." Alec murmured and then he squeezed until there was nothing left of Raziel but the tiniest piece of his soul, "WE WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE MORE THAN GUIDES, YOU ARE NOT WHO YOU USED TO BE, WE WILL TRY AGAIN, YOU WILL BE BORN, LIKE I WAS, I WILL FIND YOU A GOOD FAMILY."

Alec twisted the silvery soul into a butterfly which he fastened to his wrist.

"Hail, Good Angel." Valentine began.

Alec stared down at the man and forced his soul down, twisting himself until he appeared as he had for the last twenty years, even though his mortal shell still lay on the ground.

Valentine flinched as Alec gazed at him, "I am Phanuel, I am not beholden to the rules of the Instraments for they were not made by me, I will not grant you any request, you are ucky I am allowing you and yor followers their lives."

"Now, listen here..." Valentien tried.

"Enough of you, never again will you speak ill words, never again will you fight, never again will you seek harm to another, these three things you will abide by, Valentine Morganstern, lest your life be forfeit." Alec stared at Valentine, "And these rules apply to any being that breathes."

With those words Alec continued passed him and knelt next to Magnus, his hand settling on his shoulder.

"No." Magnus whimpered as he caught the Angel's form from the corner of his eyes, "Please."

"Magnus," Alec murmured, "I, please come away, it is not me."

"It is, the Angel killed you."

"He killed the mortal form I was born into twenty years ago." Alec explained softly, "Angels cannot kill one another, else Gabriel would have killed Lucifer long ago, and Michael would have allowed Lucifer to end him."

Magnus looked at Alec and Alec smiled, "Please, come away, my love."

Magnus took the hand Alec offered and let the Angel help him up.

"Is this real?" Magnus asked as he traced over Alec's cheek.

"It's solid but I don't know how long I can actually hold it, I'm... I'm used to less power lately." Alec shrugged.

"Alexander." Magnus murmured and then they were kissing and Alec lost his concintration and his form collapsed and he was a mass of light again.

"SORRY." Alec said and found his form again, "I have a feeling that's going to happen everytime you kiss me."

Magnus raised an eyebrow.

"You make me forget to think and you just kind of wrap yourself around me and inside me and it's beautiful, Magnus."

"Not to interrupt or anything, but you think you could untie us?" Jace asked, "And Alec could maybe explain ABOUT BEING AN ACTUAL ANGEL!" Jace finished, shouting.

Alec grinned and snapped the ropes away, "You want to get out of here?" He asked Magnus.

"I thought you'd never ask." Magnus grinned and conjured a portal, lifting Alec up and walking through it leaving Jace, Izzy, and Clary behind.

"Really guys?" Izzy shouted after them, "How are we supposed to get all the Circle members back?"

"Miss?" A small voice asked.

Izzy turned and then had to look down, "Yes?" 

The little boy about ten stared at her, "Do you know where my parents are?"

"Um.." Izzy looked around the shore and saw that there was not a single circle member over ten besides Valentine who was sulking as Jace tied his hands with a scowl, "Why don't you come with us and we'll help you find them."

Clary summoned a portal and they watched the children go through.

"I can't believe Alec chose to de-age them instead of tying them up." Clary said.

"I'm not." Jace said, "Phanuel is the angel of Repentence and hope."

Clary stared at Jace, "I suppose that does make sense."

"Alright, let's try to convice mom we're not crazy and that Alec really is an Angel and Raziel wanted to kill us all." Izzy clapped her hands together, "Yep, we're screwed, and not in the fun way that Alec probably is at the moment."

"Erg, Izzy, why?" Jace cried.

Clary rolled her eyes and followed them through the portal.

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I don't even know what this turned into, it was just going to be a silly little thing where Alec was an Actual Angel sent to fix the Clave and then Raziel became evil and... I don't know.

I really like the idea that everybody's soul has a different color and that our emotions and actions can change or influence that color. Kind of like a personality thing.


End file.
